xevanxdisasterx

Uhm, haircut, no piercings...but more tats..yeah. Life is....alive. I suppose. I'll write more.. I have alot to say...just not now...

My heart keeps telling me to hurt everyone around me.

why can't i just be told the truth. just be told what is on your mind, what is bothering you. everyone else knows.

the brightest full moon light entrances me
it calls me forth
yet i have not the strength to move
in stasis, i rot away and dream
dream of forgotten years
dream of the touch of another's hand
i am to be a meal of star-ved worms
my nerves are twisting for the light of my salvation
i rest beneath where i remain as cold as clay
eternal pain is swelling in my joints

somewhere within me a flame is slowly born
inside this shell of bloated flesh grows life anew
infernal, the moon distorts my mind
my veins jolt back to life, pushing the fluids of the damned

i seek to bathe my fetid flesh in crimson spray
my body writhes without consent of conscience
i lift the lid the pounds of dirt shall not subdue
i shall walk the earth once more

from beyond the strings are pulled
i know not what has made me this way
the animation of my rigid corpse
i shall abandon my coffin of premature fate

all the words of the preacher
all the tears of my family in vain
i shall again walk amongst them
my penance with blood be repaid!
repaid!

[solo]

dead hand grasps for the still night air
i am now free to maim!
there cannot be a god for he would not forgive this
despicable inhuman monster; rotten, twisted and deformed
i am now a tool of my unholy instinct
entrails strewn at my bidding
a mockery of all i was

i seek to bathe my fetid flesh in crimson spray
my body writhes without consent of conscience
i lift the lid the pounds of dirt shall not subdue
i shall walk the earth once more

from beyond the strings are pulled
i know not what has made this way
the animation of my rigid corpse
i shall abandon my coffin of premature fate

all the words of the preacher
all the tears of my family in vain
i shall again walk amongst them
my penance with blood be repaid!
repaid!

Sacrifice is the word of the day/week..or whatever. I guess I have alot of changed I need to make in my life to better myself. So I am told. So I guess I shall comply.

xevanxdisasterx: damnit!!!!
xevanxdisasterx: *runs off cliff*
xevanxdisasterx: *falls in river and lives*
xevanxdisasterx: damnit i can't even kill myself!!!!!
FVF Destiny4ever: lol you would suck at being emo
FVF Destiny4ever: u fail
xevanxdisasterx: i would
xevanxdisasterx: i would be like
xevanxdisasterx: *cry* i suck at the crying and wanting to die stuff *cry* *cough* damnit my tears dried up
xevanxdisasterx: *slits wrist* aww fuck its a butter knife
FVF Destiny4ever: hahaha..
FVF Destiny4ever: ur out of control
xevanxdisasterx: i am

My sense of morals are offended by many things I learned today. Injustices to people. People say they care, but they don't act. Nobody acts. I don't act. I don't think I have a right to act.

I am sure I am going to get a rash beating for this...but. I need to get some things open and off my chest. Oh I'll go with you cause I want to see you happy. But somehow I think you would rather go with someone who wants you but doesn't because that person likes the music....yeah. Way cool. Come on down, join the party friends. Declarations of love....I don't have that. Spending time talking...ah fuck it...its lame and it doesn't fucking matter...things need to clear up cause I don't want to side-step and maneuver when I should just be able to walk the line. It sucks when the best time had isn't included in you...or when others deserve more attention. Yes I am lame like that. I am the new one, odd man out, so I must make my path, or fall behind. That to me seems like an overwhelming battle. Is it a battle I must fight. Do I become rutheless, I don't think that is in my nature. I am not cutthroat...I do take names.


Good news. She does make me happy. Together it feels natural. That means alot to me. The fact that nothing has happened means alot to me. Coming from me, it is the best news ever. <3 I want the heart and soul.

Work...No fun. No fun at all. Doing my work...my managers work...and watching the world around me being promoted and me somehow being stuck. Those bastards, half of them don't deserve it, the other half are half retarded. I need to figure out how I am going to get it done. I will better myself. That is all...goodbye.

It will probably take me a few times to actually get used to writing about things that happened and how I feel and all that.

Ok, where to start. The new love interest in my life. Audrie. She is pretty amazing. We have alot in common and our personalities are very similiar. I just spent the last four days down south with her. It was alot of fun. We didn't really do much, mostly hang out with her friends Jacques and Clayton. They were alot of fun. Very spontaneous and open.

What to say about Audrie...hmmm...Well she is the shit. LOL I dunno. I think our relationship has started off well. I am taking things slow for the first time in my life. I feel like things are real. We have some hurdles to overcome, bumps in the road I guess.. Nothing major..and nothing I wish to put into this journal at this time. Well..I guess this is enough blabbing.

<333 my life in a nutshell.

oh and P.S. Bowling is fun.